Funny...No, really.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I
was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the
fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---------
---------

My wife was hinting about what she
wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny
that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

------------ ---------
--------- --------- ---------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...so, I took her to a gas station.


And then the fight
started...

------------ --------- --------- ---------
---------

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."


He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
cow?""

Nah, she can order for
herself."

And then the fight
started...

------------ --------- --------- ---


A woman is standing nude, looking in the
bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....


------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of
Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.


I told her the beer would make her look
better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....


------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look
big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore
yesterday.

and then the fight
started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go
for our anniversary? "

It warmed my
heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....


------------ --------- --------- ---------
---------

My wife and I are watching
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and
said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she
answered.

I then said,
"Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."


So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."

And that's
when the fight started....

Pilot Philosophy (Embedded image moved to file: pic20695.gif) The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly. A check ride ought to be like a skirt. Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything. Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance. It only takes two things to fly: Airspeed, and money. The three most dangerous things in aviation: 1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna. 2. Two captains in a DC-9. Aircraft Identification: If it's ugly, it's British. If it's weird, it's French. If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian. Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club. The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. The difference between flight attendants and jet engines: The engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate. New FAA motto: 'We're not happy, till you're not happy.' If something hasn't broken on your helicopter --it's about to. I give that landing a 9 . .on the Richter scale. Basic Flying Rules: 1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. 2. Do not go near the edges of it. 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges. Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is." The three best things in life are: A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.


Prolly not as funny Dan might appreciate it gotta get that post count up

Thanks Case. I did appreciate it! Congrats on your 5th post!

What is this emoticon? Is it a black guy in the dark?